Remembering and Lying

I think I made a mistake,
I think my death sentence has been raised.
"When I say I don't remember that day i'm not lying..
I wish I did but I just don't. Sometimes the most
important stuff goes away..goes away so bad it's like
it wasn't there to begin with.
It's funny the stuff that sticks in your head,
I could tell you forward and backward about someday when I was 5
and my dad bought me an icecream cone, I could tell you the flavor of the icecream, cookie dough. Even about the girl that scooped it out, her hair was fire red. All that stuff is there like it's happening right now, but I don't remember that day atleast the stuff that they want me to. I remember it was the very first hot day of spring, I remember how the sun felt on the back of my neck..that's about it. That's another one of those things that sticks."
I do remember what it feels like to feel real, and the pain rushing through my palm.
you asked, "what happened?"
I replied, "I just wanted to know what it felt like".
The girl I love is on the drugs of her dreams and she left me for her junkie, I could believe it. She never told me the truth, the family I always cared for and would do nothing to harm. I never knew the actual reason for the stimulation of her thoughts, maybe it got her carried away in thinking she was something special. I never gave thought to think about showing my affection. She always told me I never did, she never once told me I had to. I was her angel, she told me so. I believed her every word, until her words became her lies and they hurt me, like I hurt myself. I never wished to do this, I never thought it would have ended like it did. I'm possibly a failure, locked away with nothing but this pad of paper. Her brother was unfortunate and I was glad he wasn't the same like the rest of them. I think he understood me, even though he didn't say two words that weren't the same.
I knew if I would think back to that day it would lead to tears and it did, I remember talking everything over with my counselor and he wrote down every detail like I said, like he was writing a book or something to look back on. I remember he smelled like the girl he cheated on his fiance with, he thought he was perfect and spoke fluent english. He was someone just like me, who did wrong but just couldn't see how wrong it would feel if you knew it would hurt other people. Even through all the sessions and emotion spilt, he never did get any useful information out of me that he could have just looked up in my file. He said I was different, smart..he also said I knew what I was doing, which in fact I didn't..I didn't plan this like people would say, it wasn't out for revenge or forgiveness, it was out of my league. I know right from wrong and I knew yes from no, I know blood is thinker than water and girls are no better than guys sometimes. I realize all of this and I will still give you the same 'ole answer..I don't remember that day and I never told a lie of it either. I'm only human, which everyone would say..you don't see someone who saves people from burning buildings saying they're only human, but someone who cheats and betrays will make that sorta excuse..I would hope no one thinks they're something they're not.
You only want to, no one told you to. You gave me this choice, you pulled yourself in for the reasons and hints you hid from me. Maybe reading through my poems and stuff you will find an answer, cause I don't have one.
People should know we are fallible even with the best intentions, we all make mistakes, but we think it will harm to know the truth nor the inner strength to realize they're lying inside. You don't wanna hurt me but you're waiting for the right moment to. Lying and confusion is not the same, it's not like me to realize it's hurting, but getting angry doesn't show my real feelings and it wont change anything because the love you say to me means nothing..so why am I still wasting time? Nothing I say will change anything cause you love somebody else and everybody else feels this way, I don't like how it felt. It's not only a trade-off but I know what it feels to be inlove, the heartbreak only comes along, it trails the path. In the end it doesn't really make me feel much of anything. I'd rather be blind cause if this is all I can see, this is not worth the surprise in the end. When I see couples kissing and holding each other all I see is when they grow old and they are then cheating on each other, I feel their pain and I probably feel it more than the sad old couple. Everything that happens can never go back because what is done is done and i'm sorry I can't turn back time. I apologize for all the rude and obnoxious gestures. Daughters crying, family weeping, I don't wanna hear your story, but if you have something to say..it would be better off kept in silence, a secret is better off never knowing if it will only hurt..it will and you know it better than I know myself. This entire thing will never make sense, only will I know the true meaning and get me to thinking.

I think there are two ways you can see the world,
Either see the sadness that's behind everything or
You choose to keep it all out. I wasn't lying when I said I don't remember..
I wish I could remember, but I don't..

You're A Princess

you're first class with everyone calling for you

and after that, there's not much more i can do.

after you forgotten your place?

i'm being sarcastic maybe more than the obvious

but this only happens with you

we have the best thing, everything before has been not as good

nobody will ever have the tendency to break us

nothing will ever be the same

we both know everything lasts with memories

and that's what we will spend time making

oh baby, you know i loved every moment we made

you're a drop down and i'm dead, i've watched you struggle

i hear wedding bells and it's fluent within my ears

i hope when we get down the isle

your lungs smile

and when we kiss you know it was meant to be, forever.

our hour glass and i'm skipping rocks

the tears falling down your face,

the falls, the river, the ocean

the sand spreading away from your feet

i don't wanna see no one else's imprints in your heart

i'll meet you there, you mean so much more, more than air..

release that air

why would anyone wanna break us?